Sunday, May 24, 2009

i saw him

My heart pounded as I approached the restaurant, shit it was forever
I held my head up high and looked straight ahead as I could feel his eyes on me
I felt pure hatred, anger, I wanted to go up to him and stab him in his heart the way he stabbed me. I waited in line waiting for our table to be ready. I pretended I didn’t see him, I pretended that he wasn’t there I laughed I joked I smiled. And when I was seated I gave him my back. The whole time he just stared, and it was that time that I felt my closure. I made him feel that to me he didn’t exist.
Forever,
Shoftek la 3ad tehez kayan wela sho3or. Karahtek, I felt disgusted, its weird when someone that used to see so perfect so beautiful turn into this backs tabbing ugly creature that isn’t human to you anymore. Time will bring us togetheir again and when we are faced I will have no feeling towards you, I will find anther you. But you will never find anther me. A Women that would have walked on fire for you. A woman that loved you with everything she had, a women that gave you her all.
A woman that stood by you, through giid times and bad
A woman that made avow that nothing will make her go againsit you.
A Woman that stood against fate.
Yes, that woman was me.
You're just a man monster an asshole.
Damged ;)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Goodbye Forever..

"La ya forever la talbes ketha elbes ketha" the s3oody girl said
I held the phone tighter as tears started streaming down my face.
Yes, I called forever from a number he doesn’t know and this whore answeredJ here is what happened.
I called from this number that I have but I don’t use and I realize that he wasn’t in Kuwait. I keep calling and hanging up stupid and silly and childish I know but we all do it plus I was bored.
The third time I called,
"Aloo" this very feminine voice said
"Aish el garf hatha? mA3ndek lesan" she said again and started cussing at me in arbic, yes fellow readers the love of my life was with anther girl. I called again because by that time I was crazy with jealousy and she answers and keeps the phone on, and I hear every little word, every breathe, every moan.
Yes my forever was making out with this whore. And I heard.
I heard my man kiss anther women.
I heard my man make anther women moan in pleasure.
i felt my heart break in to a million pieces.
I couldn’t breathe. I felt suffocated. Disgusted. Infuriated.
So this is what I have to say :
Forever,
Ma 3ad yenfa3 el 3atab, ma 3ad yenfa3 el nedam. Ew9lat feek el darja w el 7aqra etsam3eni wenta weya ga7ba?? Sheno hal 7aqara ? sheno hal nethala ?
Ana sheno sawaitlik ? wtf did I do to desserve this ? i did nothing but love you with my mind body and soul. you just showed your true colors. FUCK YOU I FUCKING HOPE YOU GET AIDS YOU ASSHOLE
Lawa3at chbdi. Karhtek. 3ala gad ma 7abaitek karhtek.
Mabe ashoofek mabe asma3 9otek. Mabe ayshay that reminds me of you.
To me your dead. Your no longer my forever. You have become a mistake. A mistake that I can never erase. BUT IM SURE AS HELL I WON'T REAPEAT.
7esbey alah wel ne3ma el wakel feek .
Goodbye Forever.
I no longer know you. To me your dead.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Once Upon a Time

Dear Forever,

Im in bed all alone, thinking of you, 7abebe I miss u :( I miss you next to me, I miss touching you, I miss your hands on my body I miss you hugging me on your chest.
*sigh* I called you yesterday and to my surprise you answered, regardless of the fact that I was having a weak moment I just needed to hear your voice. God. It made all the sadness I felt during our time apart disappear. 7abebe you were sick L 9otek 3awar galbe ! Why don’t u let me take care of you? Make you feel better?
Cook you your favorite cream of mushroom soup.
I wana be between your arms so fucking much! I wana go to bed with you next to me, I wana wake up and see you in bed with me, I wana see your toothbrush next to mine, I wana fight with you about what we wana have for lunch! I wan argue with you on what TV channel we watch.
Haha do you remember when we were grocery shopping in SC and you dragged me all the way to the toys section showing me what toys you would buy our son? I felt so proud that day with you by my side with your arms around me. I felt serenity. I felt complete.
You complete me.
Once upon a time I completed you :(
A7bik,
Damaged Goods

Noor and Sager

*A short Story
enjoy
xoxo damged goods

"7abebe abe ashoofek " whined noor
"Mw fathelich ! shfech it7nen " replied sager angrily
Noor was hurt by his reply but it wasn’t a surprise, this was the way sager talked to her. She was the last thing in his priority list and noor was extremely aware of that. Everything came before she did.
"3ala ra7tek" she said sadly
She closed it as the anger bubbled up inside her, who the hell does he think he is to tell her that he can't see her she wanted to see him and she will. She wanted to discuss something with him; a while back sager a noor were an item she was head over heels in love. After they broke they decided to stay friends.
How can she be his friend? How can she be friends with the only man she fell in love with? How can she be friends with her soul mate? How can she be friends with the one person that knew her so well? Noor wanted to tell him that he can't have it all. He's either with her or he's not.
Ignoring her better judgment noor sped off to his house, once she reached the familiar square like house; noor felt the butterflies in her tummy as she dialed the number she knew so well.
"Sager, ana bara " she said nervously
He came out 2 minutes later wearing Abercrombie maroon training and a white top. Noor smiled thinking how good he looked. She got down as he hugged her , she breathed on his scent a scent of Creek his favorite perfume. The scent that drove her wild; she held his hand as he led her to the garden.
"Shfeech" he said as he sat on the bench
"I can't just be your friend sager, I love you, abeek 7age ebroo7ii methel ma el mafroth tabeni 7agek ebro7ek" she responded
Sager lit his cigarette as he said "kint adre ma3ndch salfa, wana gtlich raye bel mawtho3"
Tears formed in her eyes as noor said "ana asfa 3ayal I can't be in your life, I have to go now"
He came behind her as he hugged her. They were the perfect fit. The perfect match.
"Lish matbeni" she whispered
"intay tadren lish " he replied
"LA MADRE GOLEY FAHEEMNI !!" she responded
He then went on and on, on how different they were and how he would never marry a girl like her. He didn’t care that she was hyperventling. He didn’t care that she was suffocating. He didn’t care that she couldn’t stop crying.
He only cared about himself.
Noor sped off, hysterical. Stupid girl I never learn were he thoughts and then like a strike of lighting noor crashed into the pole. That was when everything turned black .
*Beep Beep*
Unknown Number
1 message received
3atham Alah ajrek Sager, Noor towfat.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Sara

*Note: a short story, that contains a lot of adult detail. if you will get offeneded do not read this post, again i do not mean to offend anyone.
Thanks
xoxo Damged Goods


He inhaled deeply as he licked his tongue in anticipation. She was the most exhilarating little thing he had ever seen. Bandar licked his lips in anticipation as she watched her look at him shyly as she said "Baby I have a surprise for you"
"Sheno uhwa" he replied
She responded by giving hi, her back and seductively taking of her short black trench coat only to revel an extremely sexy corset top that showed of her curvy body to perfection. She smiled at him approvingly as she saw his male hood grow.
"Turn around" he said almost hoarsely
Sara twirled around slowly giving him a great view of her creamy white ass in a lacy thong.
She walked over and stood between his legs.
"Lay back" she commanded
He did as he was told, it was such a turn on too him when she took control.
She out his hands above his head as she got on top of him gently kissing his head his cheek and slowly and very sensually kissing his neck she stops when she reaches his full luscious lips and linger above them for a mere second and then she finally kiss's him slowly rubbing her body against his. Bandar expertly takes charge of the situation gently sucking on her lips, biting them tugging at them trying to show her just how much he wanted her. He then kissed her neck and nibbled on her ear. Sara melted right then and there, it was her weak point. He then rolled her on her tummy and got on top of her from behind gently kissing the back of her neck as he slowly un does her Corset kissing her backbone as he open it, it slid off only to revel her voulptious breasts. He buried his head between them as he devoured them one at a time. Gently sucking on her rose bud nipple and nibbling on it as Sara moaned in frustration. It was as much as she could take.
"I want you, insiiide me " she moaned in his ear licking his neck.
He responded by opening up her legs as He pulled them down her thong , and lifted her legs up and with one swift movement he entered her, she grabbed his back and she moved beneath him, they moved together so perfectly, so beautifully. They both could not hold back any longer, they saw fireworks as both their bodies exploded together.
Bandar pulled Sara into his arms and spooned her as they lay in bed.
"Sara" he whispered
"E3yoon Sara" she replied
"Tadren sha7eb feech" he asked
She giggled "Shet7eb? "
"Kilshay" he responded
"Don’t ever leave me" she whispered
"Never" He replied
'She looked at the time and realized it was late and she had to get going.
"7abebe ana lazem amshe"
"Ok galbe, aw9lech el sayara"
She got in her car and kissed him one last time before she took off.
*Beep Beep*
1 Message Received
Bandar
Take Care Bel Darb ;*
Sara smiled thinking just how much she loved him. She was finally in a relationship with a MAN.
What Bandar didn’t know was that Sara wasn’t what she seemed.
Sara was a transsexual who has a full sex change operation.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Graduation

I woke up early to day, but didn’t get out of bed I laid down for a long time and took a walk down memory lane. I remembered our time together. I remembered the laughter we shared the tears we both cried. I remembered how we used to hastily plan for our future and how we use to argue about who named our first-born. You wanted a boy. I just wanted babies from you. You wanted to name him after your father; I on the other hand wanted to name him after mine. I would confidently inform you that I had the right to name him cause I carried him in my uterus for 9 months you would laugh and lovingly tell me that I didn’t matter what our sons names were as long as I was the mother. I smile as the memories wash over me and then I am forced to live reality. The reality of you and me no longer a couple. The reality that anther man will touch me. That thought alone used to get you so mad; I was yours and only yours it was that simple.
But that’s the funny thing with life, nothings ever simple anymore is it?
I have decided to give you space baby; space for you to grow and spread your wings. Space for you to realize that you and me are soul mates. I believe in what we had. I know that no one can come between us not even time itself. And with time you will realize that we complete each other. And when you I will be waiting with open arms.
the day of your graduation; a day 3 years ago we both wanted it to come so badly so that we could show the world that we made it, how in love we are and how no matter what happened no matter what people said we made it. It was the day we were going to get engaged. Going to. I still plan on coming. I was with you from day 1. I will be waiting for you when you run across the room to your loved ones. And when you realize that I’m patiently waiting I will walk over and hug you and tell you the 3 words I long for you to know.
I love you
Always and Forever; *


*NOTE: i did go to his graduation, and i was waiting for him, he walked over to me and i just threw my arms around him i didnt care that their were people around us or that his entire family were there it just felt so right u now ? i kissed him all over i kissed his cheeks his head his neck and i huged him so tight i never wanted to let go. i was so overwhelmed i couldnt talk. he just kept hugging me tighter aas if he he wanted to say something, and when i finally let go of him and looked in to his eyes wala el 3athem i fell in love all over again. i couldnt talk, tearsof happiness started falling from my eyes as he said, "El fal lech damged, afra7 feech" i couldnt speak i just nodded.
*sigh* 3ala golat rashed "ayaam kam 3eshnaha ya ma7laaha"
xoxo Damged Goods

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The other women

a couple of months ago i was going through some problems with forever, and i knew there was some one else on the side, its just a hunch i feeling you get. i wrote him an email @ the time but i never sent it. i have decided to share it with you...


Where did you too meet? When? Do you love her? Merta7 weyaha?
Answer me. Did she make you forget our time together? How could you? How could you move on so easily? Don’t you realize your killing me? You hurt me numerous times, but this bates all the other out. If by letting me know you want me to hate you? I don’t. In fact I pity myself for loving you more than I love myself.
I deserve to be happy. Don’t you think I deserve to be happy?
You’re my happiness and my sadness wrapped up in one.
Let him go. Move on. You deserve better. We see things you don’t see. These phrases I keep on hearing every day but once there said to be I block it out. They don’t understand. How could they understand if you yourself don’t understand?
Fuck you. I’m so angry. You deserted me when I was fragile. You broke me in to a million pieces. You made me feel that I = nothing. Well fuck you. Who the fuck do you think you are? Do you think you’re invincible? Do you think that the pain you inflicted upon others wont haunt you?
WAKE UP ASSHOLE YOU HAVE CAUSED ME ENOUGH DAMAGE TO LAST A LIFE TIME.
I FEEL AS IF I CANT LOVE ANYONE I CANT TRUST ANYONE I CANT GET ATTACHED TO ANYONE AGAIN. You made me feel worthless.
How the hell can u say that you love me that you want the best for me when you keep hurting me. Because you are selfish. You just say that to make yourself feel better for the pain that you are causing me.
But I hope that the day will come when you realize that you lost the best damn thing you ever had. Me.

illusion

A mini short story...
i hope you enjoy
Damged Goods xoxo

The breeze was cool, refreshing. Turki could smell the salty sea as the wind blew against his soft black hair. He remembered her long wavy brown hair how it would blow away and she would laugh in joy and tell him that this was the best feeling in the world. Being in their place, an isolated place by the beach in jlai3a. he frequently went back there alone whenever he wanted to remember her and rekindle their memories. He would remember her soft laugh, her eyes that sparkled under the moon and her voice. God how he missed her voice.
"Tuuuurki" she would whisper in the most dala3 way, that mad his heart skip a beat.
He frowned as he took a swing of his Vodka. He pushed her away. He neglected her. And for what? For a cheap thrill after a couple shots of vodka and a cheap ass girl.
He buried his head in his hands as he visualized her. He turned around and her glimpsed wavy brown hair. He blinked, once, twice but the vision the illusion was still there.
He walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist as he breathed in the scent of her hair. An exhilarating scent of lily's.
"Jana" he whispered
She turned and smiled and kissed him soflty on the lips.
"Good bye Turki" she whispered as she let him go
He watched her make her way towards the sea eventually disappearing within the waves.
He took anther sip f his Vodka and that’s when he realized.
Jana was just an illusion.

Dear Forever <3

Dear Forever :

Broken, shattered, destroyed. Damaged.
I miss the way you look at me
I miss the way you laugh when I squeal in frustration
I miss the fact that even if we argued over something silly you would never let me sleep upset
I miss the way I feel safe and secure in your arms
I miss how after we fight and im in front of you u lift me off the floor and hug me with all your might
I miss your memories all over Kuwait
I miss our endless talks about everything in our life
I miss that you understand me and know me inside out
I miss the way you can tell how I feel from my aloo
I miss the fact that you were ALWAYS there for mw through thick and thin
I miss discussing our future plans
I miss the way your hand always found mine, and how perfectly they fit together
I miss your kiss
I miss the way you would kiss my tears away
I miss the way we laughed together, cried together
I miss the way you would yell ant me and I would laugh coz u sounded so cute L
I miss the way we made up
I miss the way we never got enough of each other
I miss the feeling that if everything was wrong in my life I knew I had you at the end of the day
I miss hearing your voice the minute I wake up and the last thing I hear before going to sleep
I miss you, every day, every night, every hour every minute every second
I miss how we could sit together for hours on end and still have things to talk about
I miss having lunch with you
I miss eating ice-cream with you
I miss you taking me to the baqla to get me 7aalaw so I would stop crying
I miss the way you treated me so tenderly and lathered me with affection
I miss how u loved me
I miss how you needed me
I miss how you could stand to be away from me
Forever I miss u
A7bik,
*sigh*
Always and Forever
Xoxo Damged Goods

Saturday, May 9, 2009

9 months later

Anther short story, heads up this post contains a lot of adult content.
i do not mean to offend anyone.
Enjoy
Damged Goods xoxo


'I want you Noora' Zaid whispered in her ear
Noora knew that this was wrong, that this wasn’t what a respectable girl from a good family should be doing but she didn’t care.
Zaid caressed her creamy white thighs and gently nibbled on her ear lobe as a moan nonchalantly escaped her lips.
She looked at him her eyes wild with hunger and lust. It was then that Zaid knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her; he kissed her lips hungrily as she wrapped her legs around his wait and pushed her body closer to his, she took control of the situation as she gently sucked on his lower lips make his groin become harder.
"Noora" Zaid whispered hoarsely
She responded by silencing him with a kiss a kiss that told him she was ready. She wanted this. She needed this.
He lifted her dress up and pushed her panties to the side as he plunged deeply in to her. He didn’t care if he hurted her, he just wanted to show her just how much he wanted her. He kept thrusting it as she moved her hips against his and it was that second when he came inside her that she came to regret the crazy driven moment of lust 9 months later.
9 months later she was forced to give up a piece of her 3an el fethe7a
9 months later she lost a part of herself
9 months later she saw no reason to live
9 months later she saw her baby girl in the arms of a stranger
9 months later Noora realized how dearly she has come to pay from a moment of lust

Anther Day..

Anther day without you, anther second spent in agony over loosing you. I wonder do you think of me as often as I think of you? I doubt, you see the difference between us is that you were my world my world revolved around you and only you. I’m going to be brutally honest. I met guys, cute guys from good families with decent reputations that genially like me but I could never like them back. As much as I tried I didn’t see myself fit with anyone of them. As the day ended and night fell upon us I realized that the reason was they were not u. They were not my forever; no one can ever be you. You captivated me in the most immense way a way that is indescribable. M friends think I should leave you forever. Can I? Is it possible? U are my forever!! How can I move on?
Yesterday my mother asked me if I was still in contact with you, for the first time it hurt me repeating the harsh truth. That being a simple answer of no.
No; a small word but with a huge impact.
When will you realize that we complete each other? That were the perfect fit for the puzzle. Complete opposites that go so well. Black and white.
Im your ying you’re my yang.
WHEN WILL I FORGET! WHEN??
Why did u make me fall in love with you ? You knew from day one that we were different and that we can never get married so why? I choose you over my mother, my friends myself. You didn’t do jack for me. You always left me. Left me to bend what’s left of me. I’m like a glass that you keep breaking but even after you fix that glass the cracks will always be there. I’m so weak when it comes to you.
I smile, I laugh and I pretend that im so much better without you. Im not. I think im a good actor.
At times, I actually do hate you. Can you hate a person you love? And then I realize I don’t hate you, I hate fate. Fate that made me lay eyes on you in London, fate that me answer your goofy message and fate that made me love with each passing day, hour, minute and second.
I’m not perfect I realize that but don’t you think that I may be perfect for you?
I remember once we were having one of our endless conversations at night, and you told me how unfair everything was and that we should just elope. Do you know that I considered that? DO YOU!!
Where ever you are, whatever you are doing
MARK MY WORDS NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND YOU NO ONE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU THE WAY I WILL/WAS.
If you were old grumpy bold and had no teeth and would literally shit on yourself id still love you with all my heart.
I still remember that summer, when you stole my heart three years ago.
I love you
Always and Forever; *

Forbidden Love and Desires

*NOTE: i have a guilty pleasure of writing short stories :P i will post 1 or two form time to time in between my posts.
Hope You Enjoy !
Damged Goods xoxo

The rain pounds on the windshield hard and fast; it looked like a mother crying desperately over the loss of her beloved son, a women crying to come to terms with the unbearable pain she feels after losing a lover. With those thoughts on my mind, I fasten my seat belt and take a deep breath. A silent unexpected tear fell from my eye as the familiar unbearable pain started to form in my heart, a pain I tried so viscously to ignore. I start my car as the engine of my phantom black Aston Martin roared to life, allowing my mind to soar through memory lane. I inhale deeply, remembering the scent of his car – an intoxicating scent of a mixture of cigarettes and Dunhill Desiree, a scent that had the power to evoke me in untamable ways, ways only he would be able to fulfill. He; He was my beginning and my end, my lover and my friend, my hunger and my nourishment, my first and my last, my one and only. He was Khalid, my forever, and my eternity. Tears furiously fall from my eyes as I struggle with the waves of emotions that have taken over my soul. The rain seemed to fall harder now, as if the sky can feel my pain. Ironic isn’t it? When his name is Khalid, meaning eternity, and as sudden as a strike of lightning he is gone? I realize that my speed is increasing. As I slowly start to decrease my speed, I turn right on the emergency lane and stop, as I am in no state to drive. I close my eyes and remember our last night together.
I walked in to the room and saw him sitting there on our bed with his unshaven face, wearing nothing but his shabby boxers, furiously typing on his laptop. I smile as I see the look of utter concentration and determination on his face- a look I know very well - the same look he used to have when he would confidently tell me that one day I will be his. Time goes by so fast. I walked towards him and kissed him lightly on his cheeks and breathing in his scent, he smiled and mumbled a barely audible “Hi”, but his eyes didn’t once look up from the laptop.
As I walked in to the dressing room to change in to something more comfortable after a long day at work, I replayed on how the events of my life turned out. Who knew that I would end up with Khalid? The man that used to get me so disgusted with his ignorance and arrogance? Who knew that this man would have the ability to make me smile, cry, laugh, shout, and scream in pleasure in a matter of minutes? Yes, I have felt for him things I have felt for no other man before. We are complete opposites; as opposite as white and black, or salt and pepper. Many people have doubted our relationship, but we pulled through in the end - a relationship that was built upon love, respect, and trust would always pull through. Even after all this time, I still felt weak in the knees when he smiled at me, and I still felt the desire to feel our body moving together as one. I walked back in the room and lay down beside him as he turned off the laptop and turns towards me.
“Hi,” he said, smiling affectionately.
“Hi,” I replied, feeling the familiar butterflies dancing in my stomach.
“I missed you,” he said while pulling me towards him and kissing me lightly on my lips.
I feel my body respond to his touch as I smile and whisper, “I missed you, too.”
Our body becomes one as he begins kissing my neck and I felt all senses melt away. I forgot where we were, who we are, all I knew is that I love him and the feeling I have for him is so strong that no man can make me feel this way. Within minutes I gasped in pleasure as we moved together perfectly and in complete unison. The attraction between us was undeniable; an animal attraction so strong as we came to our grand finale. He held me tight and whispered the words I so longed to hear: “I love you.. Always have, always will.”
The next day everything went pitch black. The day I thought I was going to die. I thought that life had come to an end; I thought that god was unfair and harsh. It was the day I heard of his death. My eternity.. My one and only.. Gone. Forever.
Ironic isn’t it?
But there is one thing no amount of power or person can ever take from me - that is your memory. I will always have you, my eternity, even if it is just a memory. I smile as I regain my composure and turn the radio up, remembering what you had always told me:
“Tomorrow is another day, baby.”

Square 1

And I’m back to square one, back to the harsh reality of realizing that you and me do not equal happiness. But why is it that the minute you have your arms around me I feel safe? Why is it that the minute your voice fills the phone I feel complete?
Baby I love you so much that it actually hurts! Can’t you understand that? It’s been over a year since we officially broke up but don’t you ever wonder why we end up together? We always go back to each other? You’re my safety net my back- bone my sanity. You’re my best friend. I’m not only losing my lover, I’m losing my best friend the one person that understands me in the way that no one can.
Yesterday I officially lost all sense to feel, I wanted so badly to run in and hug you but I was so hurt, hurt to the extent that I couldn’t move from where I was sitting, hearing you laughing singing and dancing killed me even more. How the fuck did we end up here? You were always so gentle towards me, so loving so caring you hated the minute a tear would escape my eyes; I’m not perfect I realize that I hurt you so badly but you hurt me to the same extent. Why is it that I can forgive and forget but you can’t seem to let it go! Baby do you know that when u hugged me it felt like I reached home, imagine that you were running away from something as fast as you can for so long and finally reach the place that makes you feel safe?
Is it some one else? Could it possibly someone else? Don’t block me out! Talk to! Tell me! Be there for me. I swear that tears are furiously falling from my eyes as I type this. You used to love me so much did you stop? No that isn’t possible. Is it?L
I love you I’ll never love any other man the way I love you, I want you to be mine again, I want you to be there for me always and forever the way you used to promise me after you kissed me passionately. Don’t tell me you our time together doesn’t mean a thing to you I know your lying. If you didn’t want be with me then why did you come back!!!
I don’t deserve this I don’t.
Funny thing is if you do call me id run to you in a heartbeat and what kills me is that you know it.
I love you,
Always and Forever; *

Always And Forever

No one can ever understand what was between us. No one can ever understand what I feel for you. You were my lover, my father, my husband, and my best friend. You were my everything. I can honestly say that I fell for you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I still remember that cold winter day you were right in front of me tall dark and so darn handsome, it was in that very moment that I fell for you. And so our story begins with the love and affection every story starts of with but ours doesn’t have a happy ending. Or maybe the end we are at now isn’t the end. I don’t know. But I do know this:

I am hurt. I am confused. I don’t know how we ended up here. I do not know why we are at this dead end. I wonder if there were a time machine would I do things differently? No I wouldn’t because I know that all the fights, all the misconceptions, all the mistrust, all the hatred, all the tears and the nights I spent in agony made me strong. Made me hold on to you more. Made me hold on to what we had more. Even if our relationship is defined as a sick weird relationship I love you. I love everything about you. I love the way you never let me sleep upset. I love the way you hold me when I cry. I love your tender touch. And I love the way you taste of cigarettes and mint. I love how you know exactly what I want and when I want it. I love that you understand me in a way no one can, I love that you can tell if I am ok or not from my voice. I love that you always listened to me even if I was just babbling I love the fact that you always come back because our love is so strong we cant stand to be apart.
I wish you were dead the pain would be easier. With you gone I know where you are I don’t have to think of you with anther girl or imagine you telling her that u love her or looking at her with the stupid grin you always get when you want to make her mad. That look. The look you used to give when I used to look away in anger and you turn my face and demand me to look you in your eyes. You never say anything; your look says it all. I miss you. I miss you so much that it hurts. You’re the first person on my mind when I wake up. The last thought before I sleep. I don’t care if people say your bad for me. I don’t care that were so different I just want to run in to your arms and hug you with all my strength and never let go. I miss our days. I miss our innocent walks. I miss our not so innocent rendezvous in numerous places. I miss your touch. I miss your kiss. I miss feeling you next to me. I’m going through so much pain. I smile and pretend I’m over you. Over us. In reality? I love you more with each passing day that goes by and it hurts me to think that you stopped loving me?
Did you stop loving me?
I wouldn’t know. I don’t want to know. I have to be strong have to show you that I moved on. Have to pretend that you are in my past. But you never are. You’re with me.
Always and forever;**

The Day It All Started...

My story is an ordinary story, it's not special, it's not a fairytale and it does not have a happy ending.
Girl meets boy, girl falls in love, and girl gives boy her mind body heart and soul. Boy breaks her heart and leaves. Yes, that girl is me, and yes this is me 3 years later still in love and can still feel every touch every kiss every feeling of love, lust, hurt, anger, abandonment, passion as if it was yesterday. You see he wasn’t just my BF he was my beginning and my end, my hunger and my nourishment. He was wrong for me in so many levels and yet he was the right kind of wrong.
I won't go in to detail on the way we meet or what happened. This blog is rather a way for me to let go of my memories one by one, to let go of what's been haunting me the last 3 years.
I am open to criticism but I appreciate if u respect that this is a true story and that it is my story and an actual human being with feelings is sitting behind the screen typing up memories that are painful.
*NOTE: if anyone does figure out who I am I appreciate if you respect my privacy.

So sit back and buckle up because I assure you this will be a whirl wide ride of emotions.