Always And Forever

No one can ever understand what was between us. No one can ever understand what I feel for you. You were my lover, my father, my husband, and my best friend. You were my everything. I can honestly say that I fell for you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I still remember that cold winter day you were right in front of me tall dark and so darn handsome, it was in that very moment that I fell for you. And so our story begins with the love and affection every story starts of with but ours doesn’t have a happy ending. Or maybe the end we are at now isn’t the end. I don’t know. But I do know this:

I am hurt. I am confused. I don’t know how we ended up here. I do not know why we are at this dead end. I wonder if there were a time machine would I do things differently? No I wouldn’t because I know that all the fights, all the misconceptions, all the mistrust, all the hatred, all the tears and the nights I spent in agony made me strong. Made me hold on to you more. Made me hold on to what we had more. Even if our relationship is defined as a sick weird relationship I love you. I love everything about you. I love the way you never let me sleep upset. I love the way you hold me when I cry. I love your tender touch. And I love the way you taste of cigarettes and mint. I love how you know exactly what I want and when I want it. I love that you understand me in a way no one can, I love that you can tell if I am ok or not from my voice. I love that you always listened to me even if I was just babbling I love the fact that you always come back because our love is so strong we cant stand to be apart.
I wish you were dead the pain would be easier. With you gone I know where you are I don’t have to think of you with anther girl or imagine you telling her that u love her or looking at her with the stupid grin you always get when you want to make her mad. That look. The look you used to give when I used to look away in anger and you turn my face and demand me to look you in your eyes. You never say anything; your look says it all. I miss you. I miss you so much that it hurts. You’re the first person on my mind when I wake up. The last thought before I sleep. I don’t care if people say your bad for me. I don’t care that were so different I just want to run in to your arms and hug you with all my strength and never let go. I miss our days. I miss our innocent walks. I miss our not so innocent rendezvous in numerous places. I miss your touch. I miss your kiss. I miss feeling you next to me. I’m going through so much pain. I smile and pretend I’m over you. Over us. In reality? I love you more with each passing day that goes by and it hurts me to think that you stopped loving me?
Did you stop loving me?
I wouldn’t know. I don’t want to know. I have to be strong have to show you that I moved on. Have to pretend that you are in my past. But you never are. You’re with me.
Always and forever;**